Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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