Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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