i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
