so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
