Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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