you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
God, I missed his penis.
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