Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
