If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize