I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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