why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
