I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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