I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize