Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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