Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
