Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night