Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  No, drunk sperm still make babies.

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  (913): No, drunk sperm still make babies. http://tfl.nu/xn33
  Replies (15) Good night (1122) Bad night (5674)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  my text book just quoted the cookie monster

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  (613): my text book just quoted the cookie monster http://tfl.nu/5m8t
  Replies (24) Good night (8498) Bad night (838)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals

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  (954): He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals http://tfl.nu/66nw
  Replies (59) Good night (3741) Bad night (3205)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day

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  (254): our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day http://tfl.nu/vjaj
  Replies (25) Good night (1772) Bad night (5700)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Best. Handjob. Ever.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I'm guessing Kelly is over?

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Nope. Home alone.

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  (416): Best. Handjob. Ever. (905): I'm guessing Kelly is over? (416): Nope. Home alone. http://tfl.nu/vpw4
  Replies (20) Good night (6092) Bad night (3121)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink

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  (570): I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink http://tfl.nu/d7kc
  Replies (5) Good night (1229) Bad night (934)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.

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  (859): If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know. http://tfl.nu/ok32
  Replies (6) Good night (1029) Bad night (550)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.

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  (416): BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT. http://tfl.nu/cryj
  Replies (5) Good night (861) Bad night (452)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.

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  (312): Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown. http://tfl.nu/cr3i
  Replies (1) Good night (927) Bad night (510)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.

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  (801): I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me. http://tfl.nu/9dfz
  Replies (0) Good night (305) Bad night (727)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood

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  (787): Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood http://tfl.nu/bkre
  Replies (1) Good night (571) Bad night (401)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.

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  (512): Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now. http://tfl.nu/zy0d
  Replies (6) Good night (494) Bad night (593)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.

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  (309): I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong. http://tfl.nu/hvs3
  Replies (2) Good night (658) Bad night (372)
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  (909): View more from California

  I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him

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  (909): I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him http://tfl.nu/7k0m
  Replies (0) Good night (470) Bad night (296)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?

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  (217): Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth? http://tfl.nu/2a59
  Replies (1) Good night (245) Bad night (151)

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