what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Never let your siblings swipe right.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
