I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
