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where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
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