Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
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he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!