dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
