GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
