im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
