census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
