Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
