The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
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he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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