this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
