my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I enjoy the company of your penis
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
