After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
