I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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