I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
