What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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