woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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