If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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