It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
