And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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