OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Bring me that man meat
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
