The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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