So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
