She is in my trunk
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
