i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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