So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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