I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
