Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
