its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
