I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
