I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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