I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
