There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
