this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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