you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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