The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Randomize
