I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
