Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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