got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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