He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
