I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
