We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
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Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
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It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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