if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
