dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sext me about skeletons
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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