please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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