I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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