dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
